Francis Frangipane in his book Holiness, Truth, and the Presence of God says, “Anyone can pass judgment — but can they lay down their lives in love, intercession and faith for the one judged? Can they target an area of need and rather than criticizing, fast and pray, asking God to supply the very virtue they feel lacking? And then persevere in that love — motivated prayer until that fallen area blooms in godliness? Such is the life Christ commands we follow!” (pg.11)
So I’ve been just a so-so fan of Scotty. Yes he can sing — but some of his actions and facial expressions drive me crazy — started calling him Scotty McCreepy. Anyway, Idol just showed his hometown visit and he was so emotionally touched by the outpouring of support….well I gotta say I was touched by his reaction….very genuine….nice to see that instead of the attitude that of course you are wanting to see me.
Okay — so as I read that — it makes very little sense. I think what I’m trying to get at is that I wish that I had a continuing transcript running in my head….that I could pluck out, review and edit at my leisure. There are many issues that I struggle with and many that I also celebrate. I also have found that when I write some of the thoughts and questions down I can work through and find more clarity on the subject (Thank you God) So there are times when I’m driving down the road and can’t write or do anything else to jot down my ramblings without having an accident.
So my post of yesterday…well in my email this morning from both my bible reading and devotion from Proverbs 31 came the clear voice of God reminding me of his love and mercy
Psalm 32:5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”
And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
And from Marybeth Whalen at Proverbs 31 ministries:
“Bring them here to me.” Matthew 14:18 (NIV)
When I am overwhelmed: “If you can’t do it, just bring it to Me.”
When I am angry: “If you can’t do it, just bring it to Me.”
When I am hurting: “If you can’t do it, just bring it to Me.”
When I am confused: “If you can’t do it, just bring it to Me.”
Thank you Lord for your gentle reminders that you love me where I am and will help if I ask.
Sometimes I amaze myself….not always in a good way. I marvel at my ability to go from very warm and loving to the absolute opposite — cold and bitter or angry.
Sometimes it comes out of the blue — sometimes there’s a decent warning because there are certain touchy subjects or individuals that can set me off…..especially when it’s the same person who gets under my skin and just irritates me because they are breathing and to make it worse, sometimes I just revel in the anger, I gloat over their inferiority, I wallow in the disdain..
And then…..I feel like a failure and that I’m letting both God and myself down…..I know there is a way to find victory over this but I find myself doubting it would be permanent, I guess because I know me and my weaknesses….and figure I’ll just get mad again…..There is no finality to this…no neat wrap-up. Just a rocky path I need to let go of….
So I’m still wrestling with the idea of the 31 day challenge….and oh my do I know that I need to figure something out to change…so many things. On a side note — I’ve been occasionally reading “Grace Notes” by Philip Yancy. It’s set up as a daily devotional book with selected readings from Yancy’s other books…well the last few days have been focused on some of his writings about two Russian writers Tolstoy and Dostoevsky. Tolstoy desired to achieve God’s high calling — but didn’t extend himself any grace. Dostoevsky knew about the importance of love and grace. Yancy says both men challenge him in his faith journey. I can totally see that….as the juxtaposition of need to aspire to greater while allowing grace for our humanity……I so wrestle with this. I know I struggle to fully account for God’s grace and his love for me….I see all the ways I fall short…..Maybe part of my challenge — and really more than a 31 day challenge — is to find a way to truly accept God’s grace in my life…..Oh my.
I read an article yesterday about some women who committed to add an activity for 31 days which got me thinking…what would I want to try to do for 31 days. The one gal did push-ups, one talked to her mom everyday….and well I don’t remember the rest. Anyway….so I started making a list in my head of habits I could try on for 31 days….oh and by the way studies have shown that if you do something for 21 days it becomes a habit…..so here is part of my list in no particular order — because I’m still coming up with ideas….
1. Write everyday for 31 days (okay so this may be the leading contender since I’m writing about it)
3. Walking the dogs
4. Training the dogs for 5 minutes a day
5. Doing the Flylady (a website) list of tasks
6. Track my WW points
…..okay I’m still thinking and apparently there are several things I think I could try on that could improve the quality of my life…..or otherwise enhance my life. The one thing (okay so I’m bragging a bit here) that I didn’t have to put on the above list is reading the Bible — because I have been doing that — thanks to an email program that sends the passage I’m reading to me every morning….now am I perfect — ah no and by bragging I’m probably setting myself up….but I’m gonna keep plowing on with reading the bible chronologically…..so I’ll think about it some more today….maybe I can think about something new I should do for 31 days. Wha ha ha ha ha.