rewind/redo button

3 Feb

Oh boy — do I realize I’m under harassment…I’m getting caught in wondering how I could have done things differently to be more qualified and therefore desire-able to an employer.  So, I’m letting messages and negative talk fill my brain.  Recriminations are bouncing around in there…..telling me I’m not worthy, I didn’t learn enough, get the right degree, haven’t tried hard enough……oh and so much more.  I start to contemplate what I should have done differently years ago that would have changed what happened in my life today.

I know that thinking those kinds of things does absolutely no good….they don’t get me anywhere except stuck in the mire.  So why does the trap of that kind of thinking seem so easy to sink into and so hard to fight….why do I find comfort in the negativity?

Part of what is hard is that I’ve had the fortune (?) to fall into many of the positions or situations I’ve had….in a lot of ways I’ve just been lucky or blessed… I’ve not had to really pursue or struggle to find jobs…..and so I know that I need to be careful in drawing too much from this….and maybe a lot of that is due to the fact that job searches in the past have been relatively easy.

Some of the question or desire to rewind or redo — is that I think one of the reasons I wasn’t more seriously considered for the Sanford job was because I don’t have an advanced degree….so I question my decision years ago not to pursue an MBA….argh….does that make me any less valuable?  NO.  Let me tell myself again….NO!  But the insidious voice tells me that I haven’t done enough to make the most of the talents/skills I was given…..I swear sometimes I can talk myself into a knot….between truth and untruth is a fine line…..our responsibility and situations beyond our control or responsibility.

Oh God — please help me distinguish between the lies and the truth.  Help me continue to walk in the path you’ve laid out for me.  Help me use the many blessings you’ve granted me in a way that is pleasing and honoring to you…..and help your desires for me to become mine.  Amen.


One Response to “rewind/redo button”

  1. Lorna February 3, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

    Kristi you are too hard on yourself. You have many talents. When one door is closed the Lord will open another one for you. Keep the faith.

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